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Dear Inner Strength, Today you lifted me and I am grateful . . .

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It’s hard to feel grateful today . . . but I can do it.

Morning news arrived via Facebook, an emergency, an arrest, a desperate message, a cry for help. My son continues to be consumed with his addiction. I want this to be his rock bottom so badly, but I don’t get to choose. He decides, he chooses his path, he makes his own way.

I have done all I can to be a good parent, mentor and guide. Without a doubt, I made mistakes along the way. I enabled and rescued and ignored every truth. Right now, I want to get in my car, bail him out, take him to rehab and spend every last dime I have to save him.

The lessons I have learned over the last several months remind me that these actions will only interfere with his path, rob him of the opportunity to face consequences, take responsibility for his deeds and turn his life around. I know now that any action driven by guilt, regret, fear, and the need to control, prevents me from developing a healthy relationship with my son, and anyone else for that matter.

Today I dug deep for inner strength, begging it to help me fight the powerful force of maternal instinct, the urge to save and protect my son, a grown man beaten by addiction.

My inner strength emerged and I am grateful. My son sits in jail. And now I pray that his inner strength emerges with rage and beats the shit out of that demon . . . addiction.


16 Responses to “Dear Inner Strength, Today you lifted me and I am grateful . . .”

  1. Suzie

    xoxox… I know you have family and friends to lean on. Add me to your collection anytime!! I’m here. Big hugs!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. SilverGirl

    I’m so sorry for you.
    When you feel the time is right, the only thing you can do is pray that he’s strong enough to choose life and ‘let go’…
    Once you let go of the need to control you will find some much needed inner peace ❤
    Holding on for so long is so hard. You'll know when it's right to release him and allow him to grow.
    I know this hurts like a bitch and I know you're scared.
    A mother's love is so strong.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Helen

    Someone asked me to read your blog. I felt like I could have written the same words. I will pray for both of our sons and for our strength as well. Peace.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. peter farrell

    I have a friend whose son followed the same path..they ended up having nothing to do with him.I believe he is about 26 now…at least you have tried Christine. Good luck , keep trying, dont give up on him completely!

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Karin B. Yurkovich

    Lets hope this is his rock bottom. But
    like you said, you don’t get to choose.
    I’m just glad to know he is safe and pray
    he will get on top of his addiction. I think
    of you often and being a mother of two
    boys, can’t imagine being in your position.
    One thing I know, you are doing the right thing.
    love you.

    Liked by 1 person


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