It’s hard to feel grateful today . . . but I can do it.
Morning news arrived via Facebook, an emergency, an arrest, a desperate message, a cry for help. My son continues to be consumed with his addiction. I want this to be his rock bottom so badly, but I don’t get to choose. He decides, he chooses his path, he makes his own way.
I have done all I can to be a good parent, mentor and guide. Without a doubt, I made mistakes along the way. I enabled and rescued and ignored every truth. Right now, I want to get in my car, bail him out, take him to rehab and spend every last dime I have to save him.
The lessons I have learned over the last several months remind me that these actions will only interfere with his path, rob him of the opportunity to face consequences, take responsibility for his deeds and turn his life around. I know now that any action driven by guilt, regret, fear, and the need to control, prevents me from developing a healthy relationship with my son, and anyone else for that matter.
Today I dug deep for inner strength, begging it to help me fight the powerful force of maternal instinct, the urge to save and protect my son, a grown man beaten by addiction.
My inner strength emerged and I am grateful. My son sits in jail. And now I pray that his inner strength emerges with rage and beats the shit out of that demon . . . addiction.