exploring life and love with pictures and words
I lay awake, heart racing. Resting my hand upon my chest, I struggle to take a deep breath and remind myself to stay calm. I sit up and push away thoughts that only stoke the fire of my anxiety. I stand beside my bed in the darkness, arms above my head, stretching in half moon... Continue Reading →
I walk into the first grade classroom of my newest teacher, her first year. A black line drawing of a turtle, its shell a patchwork of random designs and doodles, is projected on the large screen. Excited and smiling, she skips toward me and beams; It’s a directed art lesson. Across the classroom every desk... Continue Reading →
Looking toward Catalina I see its faint silhouette in the summer haze. I wonder if the French speaking tourists lounging on the sand nearby know there is an island in the distance. To the untrained eye it does resemble a long and low hanging cloud on the horizon. While the skies overhead are beautifully blue,... Continue Reading →
Except for the tiniest bit of dim light coming from the master bath, my bedroom is dark. The soft rustle of sheets as I toss and turn, and my own breathing are the only sounds I hear. I try to lay still, close my eyes and take long slow breaths, counting to four as I... Continue Reading →
Surrounded by opened mail and neatly organized piles of bills and receipts, I sit cross legged on the turquoise sofa. My laptop rests on a pillow in the space between by knees and illuminates my makeshift home office. I click away, reconciling accounts, scheduling payments, and catching up on email. The television provides mindless background... Continue Reading →
Saturday morning I sit sipping my coffee, waiting for Phyllis to join me. Across the small cafe table her black coffee, steam escaping the tiny hole in the cup’s lid, waits too. Within minutes she arrives, flashing her infectious smile. A dear friend, we share a love of love, stories of the heart, the mysteries... Continue Reading →
I wrote this post a year ago . . . If you’re fortunate enough to have your mama walking the planet, LOVE her!!!! Even if she was less than perfect, even if she made mistakes, even if you don’t speak to her, LOVE her. And if you cannot love her, then forgive her. It’s the greatest gift you can give yourself. BIG love to all the mamas in my life. In some way each of you has help me to be a better mother.
Happy Mother’s Day!!
Xoc
In the weeks before Mother’s Day, I had planned to write a glorious and glowing post about motherhood. I felt sure that words would emerge and my story would unfold. Yet, I sat for hours; the heat of my laptop warming my thighs as my fingers clicked away, typing words that just didn’t belong to me. I struggled to express what I felt in my heart. Too melancholy for a celebratory post I put my laptop away for a few days.
Instead, I focused on my Sunday before Mother’s Day ritual, handpicking cards and writing personal notes to my girlfriends, sisters and aunts. Since my mom’s passing, I have honored her by celebrating the amazing moms I know and admire. As I dropped my stack of cards into the mailbox, I smiled thinking about each one of them opening my small gift and smiling too.
With Mother’s Day nearing, I…
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There is a boy I love. I dreamed of him and what he would be before I ever met him, blonde and blue-eyed, smart and funny, an old soul with the kindest heart I would ever know. Born long before ultra-sounds were common practice or gender reveals became a celebrated event, my boy came into... Continue Reading →
The rusted hinges on the back door groan and stick; making a quiet entry impossible. I am certain my neighbors know exactly when I arrive home each night. I step into the dark house and slide my hand along the wall until I find the light switch, and then close the door behind me. Climbing... Continue Reading →
Stepping into the sanctuary of my steaming shower, I sit on its built-in bench, and close my eyes as the water sprays against my face. My back against the tile, still cool; my arms lay limp at my sides, heaven. I take my time pulling my knees to my chest, and run my hands down... Continue Reading →
Bare Naked in Public 