exploring life and love with pictures and words

Still amazing . . .

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Unable to sleep, I lay awake and think about him. I don’t want to, but I do.  Instead of letting those thoughts float away, I cling to them and imagine his life with her . . . yuck. I pull my laptop from my nightstand and write these words, ”Just when I think I am feeling better, healed . . . you visit my thoughts at 2:00am to remind me that you love someone else. Why?” 

I post the words on social media, set my feelings free, and drift off to sleep. 

Over the next few days friends and followers send me big doses of love. I am reminded that God and the Universe have something better in mind, I need to be patient. Another theme emerges, friends assure me that he will regret losing me, he will realize he has made the biggest mistake of his life, passing on amazing me. 

And then it occurs to me . . . He does not, and will not, regret losing me. He met with me specifically to tell me he loved someone else, and he was happy.  Perhaps staying with me would have been the biggest mistake of his life. Geez, there are so many amazing women in the world. I know loads of them personally. He found someone he thought was more amazing than me. He may regret hurting me, but he will not regret choosing her. He found his happiness. 

None of this makes me any less sad, at least right now. But it does help me understand why my heart can still be a little achy. My BIG FAT ego cannot believe he passed on amazing me! It’s hard to accept that I was never ‘the one.’ My wounded pride is stubborn and petty, a real bitch, begging me to be vengeful and mean. That’s not my style, so instead I get a little sad, wishing for what will never be . . . at least not with him.  

While hurt can sneak up on me now and then, my days are mostly great, and they continue to get better. I’m reminded again and again that life is so beautiful, rich with love, family and friendships and it can hurt like hell, all in the same day. 

This whole “getting dumped” experience doesn’t make me any less amazing. In fact, I am better, stronger, wiser.  The next guy will be so dang lucky. . . And so will I. 😉

xoc

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