I blink in the darkness, it takes me a second to remember where I am. My fourth bed in as many weeks as I search for a more permanent place to live. A persistent gnawing in my gut keeps me from dozing off again. I wonder its origin and suddenly remember the blow to my heart. My guard is down at 3:45 am and all the tricks I use to manage my sadness in daylight hours are fast asleep. I shake them awake and begin filling my head with positive affirmations and joyful images. And then I stop. I tell myself it’s okay to be sad, and maybe the middle of the night is the best time. I will find the light again when the sun rises . . .