A few months ago I made a conscious decision to exit the dating pool. It wasn’t difficult as my recent experiences in the deep end left my heart a little achy and my ego bruised. It’s not the first time I’ve sworn off men. The sequence of events is always the same . . . date, break up, broken heart, dramatic proclamation of a man-free life . . rinse and repeat. This time was different though. Perhaps the planets were aligned, the pain too much, or maybe the prospect of getting naked one more time was enough for me to stop, take stock of my life and my happiness, and invest some time in myself, to do something different, to break the cycle.
As far as I can tell no one is looking for me, and that’s probably a good thing. I’m easily distracted and before I know it, I put someone else’s happiness before my own, losing myself in the mix. I am learning that once I concentrate and commit to my own happiness, everything else pretty much falls into place The tricky part is staying focused. I’m happier and healthier for sure, but I’d be lying if I didn’t say I am a tad bit lonely.
I’ve loved boys my whole life. They’re fun to hang out with and not very complicated, and I mean that in the best possible way. They say what they mean and mean what they say. I have been the one who brings complexity to the party, looking for words and signs to create a magic that doesn’t exist, trying to make nothing into something. Childlike romanticism for sure, but hey, I’ve learned. I’m growing. I get it now.
While I am not ready or willing to date at this time, I do seriously miss kissing, especially new kissing. You know, when you give someone a very long kiss, and you begin thinking about your happiness, suddenly you are smiling and before you know it your kissing partner is kissing your teeth. The moment that happens, I smile a bigger smile . . . and even laugh a little . . still kissing.
For now I give all my kisses away to friends and family. I’m not sure there will be any kissing teeth in my future, and that’s totally fine with me. . . I can still smile just thinking about it. 🙂
ps . . . my advice is to keep “new” kissing even when the relationship isn’t new anymore 🙂