exploring life and love with pictures and words

A Change of Heart . . .

The coffee shop empties as the morning shift locals make their exit, and the noise level quiets to a low hum. Staring into space, I absentmindedly click the end of my pen against my chin. I’m searching my brain’s thesaurus for an adjective to describe a snort, the laughing kind. Loud comes to mind, but it’s not quite right. Sudden or unexpected might work. 

My concentration breaks when a twenty-something couple catch my eye. They playfully lean into one another as they shuffle in flip-flops toward the door. The young woman makes an abrupt one-eighty to face her boyfriend, causing him to stumble into her. Teetering a bit, she still manages an intended kiss. Not quite on his mouth, but near enough. He grins, pulls her close, and plants a solid kiss on her lips. Caught up in this sweet show of affection, I remember how good it felt to be in love. I sip my mocha, and smile. 

To say I am a hopeless romantic would be an understatement. I have put my faith in impossible love stories and improbable partners. I have experienced disillusion and disappointment, and still believed a happy ending was right around the corner. And then, a few years ago, just as I was making that final turn, my heart was ambushed. I was back to where I started, single. I haven’t been in a relationship since. 

At first, I tried to embrace my single status. But, it wasn’t any fun. I whined about the lack of quality men my age. I cursed dating apps and our culture’s obsession with youth and beauty. I feared growing old, alone, and I envied couples. They had everything I wanted, a reliable dinner date, a partner in adventure, a travel mate, a best friend to laugh, and grieve with. I wanted the practical perks too. I needed someone to rub lotion on my back, or help pull my ‘too tight’, sweaty sports bra over my head, OR, just open a jar! 

Sharing funny anecdotes about single life in middle age added a little levity to the topic, and made my friends laugh. But in reality, I was hiding behind humor. Take away the jokes, and I was still complaining, counting grievances, and creating negative energy. So, I pushed dating to the back burner. I stopped chasing love. These days, I focus on my relationships with family, and good friends, I have strengthened bonds, and in some cases made repairs. I help people who need my time, or a listening ear. I don’t wait for love anymore, I make it happen, in all kinds of ways.  

This morning, it was the young couple who made me feel love, But, it could have been anyone; the elderly man who helps his disabled daughter order her special coffee drink, or the barista who gives a homeless man a large cup of ice water, and a snack. These are the stories that put romantic love in perspective. Sure, I remember being in love . . . the simple joy of knowing that a person is my person. It is truly something. But, it’s not everything. 

For the second time today, I search my brain’s thesaurus for an adjective to describe the current state of my heart. I settle on Transformed. It fits. One’s heart is a reflection of one’s journey.

Xo

23 Responses to “A Change of Heart . . .”

  1. Mardell Nash

    I loved this and it was a great perspective about looking for love in many different places and the wisdom of appreciation

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply
  2. Ken Horner

    Hi! I hope this email finds you well. I have been reading your musings for quite awhile and have been very impressed. That being said the piece “Change of Heart” is by far your best work. Writing from the heart intertwined with your your own past, getting your story out there, definitely works for you as I’m sure it does for many men and women. Your recent writing touched home with me in many different ways. Thanks for letting me know I’m not alone on an island. Keep it up Christine. You have one major fan sitting in Mission Viejo.

    Ken

    Sent from my iPhone

    >

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply
    • Christine Amoroso

      Thank you Ken for the thoughtful words. I write to work things out in my head and in my heart. When my words resonate with others that’s the icing on the cake. It’s always comforting to know we’re not out here on our own. 💕 Hope you are well.

      Like

      Reply
  3. Cindy

    I love love love your writing! 💕 Relating to your story while sitting alone in a coffee shop in Roswell Georgia … just no couple in flip flops.

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply
  4. Lynda

    So grateful to call you a friend. I cannot remember a time when watching people was not part of my life. Each gesture is an invitation for narrative.

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply
  5. Trina

    Always love to read anything and everything you write! You’re such a talented writer and I enjoy your beautiful perspective on life and everything that entails…..you’re a beautiful soul!

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

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