exploring life and love with pictures and words

Lighter and brighter . . .


I enter her home without knocking. Guests have already arrived, mingling, nibbling and drinking. Rachel greets me with a kiss as she always does, followed by Kelsey hugging me, kissing me and laughing. Making my way through the living room, I say hello, kiss familiar faces and introduce myself to new friends. I leave a bottle of red on the counter, help myself to some water, and make my way to the backyard.

A wooden teepee structure is draped with long lace panels lifting and fluttering in the gentle breeze. The smell of burning sage fills the air as I gently rub frankincense oil on my chest, nearest my heart, not easy through the neck of my dress. Colorful outdoor mats cover the grass. I find my place, front and center, and wait as others make their way to our gathering place.

Sitting there in the warm summer night air, I gratefully acknowledge a day several months ago when my friend Rachel, a daughter to me really, invited me to participate in a Fire Circle, an opportunity to say goodbye to baggage in my life, to start fresh. As I believe there are no coincidences in this world, the invitation came at exactly the right time, serving exactly the right purpose for what my heart and soul desired; a vehicle to help me climb out of my hole, grow and become unstuck.

Since that evening, our little group continues to faithfully meet about once a month, creating opportunities and experiences to build our inner light, our strength, and support and encourage each other along the way. Our humble mission is not new to the Universe, but the intentionality is new to me, and truly life changing.

On this blue moon evening, we gather again for our second Fire Circle. As everyone settles onto the mats, blankets are offered as the night air cools. A lovely young woman whom I met earlier takes her place, seated just in front of the teepee structure; she introduces herself, telling us she is an Ayurvedic Practitioner, explaining the healing powers of Mother Nature. Something I know little about, but interests me a great deal. She will lead tonight’s meditation and healing. Referring to some notes, but speaking mostly from her heart, she talks generally about the impact of the full moon on our moods, our relationships, and our behavior. We laugh as each one of us can relate to those experiences.

She says something that strikes me, as if the words are meant specifically for me . . . . the moon longs to be full. I feel a tiny gasp escape my mouth. I say to myself . . . the moon longs to be full . . . I long to be full, complete. In that moment of clarity, I identify doubts and fears about love and loss held for far too long, all of these beliefs stifling gratitude and grace; preventing me from shining my greatest light and opening my heart to new possibilities.

We close our eyes to meditate, bringing forth the beliefs we wish to banish from our hearts, souls and minds. We breathe them in deeply, holding our breath until we nearly burst, and then release with a loud collective cleansing exhale. We do this three times . . . I feel the air is lighter, we are lighter, I am lighter.

We write our same thoughts on paper and gather around the fire pit. Each one of us takes a turn to tell our story, what we wish to leave behind on this blue moon night. I fold and refold my paper several times, I nervously fold it some more as I speak. . . Funny how the world works . . . a few days ago I had an unexpected conversation. I spoke about longing. I said that while I longed for a shared life, I knew I could live as I am living today. Then tonight when I heard the words “the moon longed to be full” I thought about how I longed to be full and then realized to be full I need to let go of ALL that causes me to long for things I do not have.

I crumble up my paper and throw it in the fire. Immediately my friends surround me with love, hugging me and giving me words of assurance. I sit while others share and tears stream down my face. If I’ve learned anything thing it’s that good byes are hard even when they are necessary.

Driving home I feel a weight is lifted, I have left some junk behind, burning in that fire pit and it feels good . . . really good.

Walking into my patio from the garage, a house guest sits on a lounge chair, reading and enjoying the ocean air. She looks up at me and says with all sincerity and kindness. . . You have a charmed life.

Filled with gratitude and grace I smile . . . yes I do.


7 Responses to “Lighter and brighter . . .”

  1. calensariel

    That was so beautiful. I have been to a drum circle at the nature center near us for the autumnal equinox. We did the same thing with notes we wrote and bound with ribbon. Things we wanted to change for us in the coming year. I thought it was so beautiful. But it was also very public. Your experience sounds much more fulfilling. Lovely retelling…

    Liked by 1 person

  2. crutchhaus

    Same portal isn’t it?
    I will go with another analogy — you are fine pastry redefining your filling. The space is occupied — emptying may have a new shape expose itself as well, you will not be caught unawares.

    Liked by 1 person


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