exploring life and love with pictures and words

Thoughts . . .

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I’m awake, though my eyes are closed. The morning sun fills my bedroom. My eyelids flicker, and I resist welcoming the day. I lie in bed, my back stiff and sore from too much sleep, and carefully stretch as one false move can throw my back completely out of whack. Getting old is definitely a bitch, but I shouldn’t complain. I am healthy and active and despite the pain, I’ll be playing soccer in a couple of hours. I have to pee, but I linger in the comfort of my pillows and blankets. I want to give in to staying in bed all day, to feeling sad, to nursing heartache and just plain feeling sorry for myself. I will not.

I immediately switch my focus to thoughts of gratitude. Remembering my pledge to meditate at least five minutes every day, I begin conscious breaths, and review my mental list . . . family . . . friends . . . health . . . rewarding job . . . and writing.  I struggle to stay positive. I am easily distracted by harmful thoughts and hurtful memories, and my mind strays to a negative place. I stop and start again, training and retraining my thought patterns.  After several frustrating attempts a rhythm finally emerges, breathing easier I am lighter. I have successfully outsmarted the black cloud. I feel powerful, but not stronger than a full bladder. Better get up and pee.

I’m ready to begin this day, again.

xoc

20 Responses to “Thoughts . . .”

  1. calensariel

    Oh! That was YOUR morning? Dang, woman. I thought you were describing mine. I think there must be a lot of us in that boat. You have my condolences about your back. I live with that pain day to day, too , and you’re right. It can be a bitch. But we learn to ignore it and go on, don’t we… Loved your post.

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply
  2. Metta

    Your willingness to share your unvarnished reality helps me keep my own promise to myself to meditate and to move. I am grateful for you.

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply
  3. Trish Hannegan

    “They” say it takes more energy to be positive then negative. It definitely takes effort… thx for sharing. I think we all struggle from time to time hopefully learning along the way… this journey continues…. What’s it all about Alfie? Love you xo

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

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