exploring life and love with pictures and words

You’ve got mail . . .

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The familiar chime on my iPhone calls to me, Look, look right now, RIGHT NOW; you have an email that needs your immediate attention. Mostly spam I know, but I look, sigh and click, delete, delete, delete.  More often than not, these messages come from dating sites, E-Harmony, Match or How about We, inviting me to view my latest matches. I have not visited these sites in a few years, but apparently once a profile is created, the matches just keep coming, and strangely with more frequency when I have sworn off dating. How do they know? I guess I have to log on and physically delete my account, my best photos, not retouched, but definitely flattering, and my clever, witty profile. I honestly don’t remember what I wrote, much less my password so I can deactivate the account.

I only went on a couple dates, both really lame. A guy whose profile depicted him as strong-jawed and rugged, turned out he had a rather feminine voice and wore ironed jeans . . . yep a nice clean vertical crease right down the center of the pant leg, dry-cleaned for sure.  The second guy was allergic to lettuce. Who’s allergic to lettuce and sends food back to the kitchen because it’s touching the lettuce garnish?  I know these are little things, had there been a spark maybe I could have overlooked this stuff . . . but alas, no chemistry.

It should be noted that these were the only guys willing to take a chance on me. After reviewing more profiles than I can count, I learned that few men my age, over fifty, date women over fifty. Most won’t go a day older than forty-nine. Call me crazy, but I was looking for guys my age. Is that too much to ask?  I would even go as far as early sixties, but every profile in that age range revealed grandpa types with very sedentary interests. A young mind and spirit were all I wanted, but not the vibe I was getting.

Like dating off-line, the men I found myself attracted to ignored my inquiries, and the men who were intrigued by my profile were of absolutely no interest to me. My girlfriends accused me of being picky and not giving the whole internet dating a chance. Then of course I showed them the pictures, the evidence to support my negative response. Flashing my phone in their faces they responded with hysterical laughter, then came the doubled over silent laughter.  How could they not laugh at fat57, or Idive4pie? Or the guy who takes a selfie, shirtless, loud and proud, gut hanging over his acid washed jeans? Yep, that’s my dating pool.  Believe me when I say I don’t care about the gut, we’re over fifty for God’s sake. However, I do wonder about a guy who thinks this is his best look. Really?

Needless to say, my time on-line was short lived. The relationships since then have been off-line, but they were men I already knew, connections from the past.  This seemed safe, and in one case, meant to be. I could not have predicted the heartache that ensued. And for me heartache always leads to reflection. But this time has been different, I’m different. My biggest discovery . . . finding love, the right person has nothing to do with where I am looking, unless of course I am looking inward. For now, bad habits, and funky thinking are still my default behaviors, hence the break from dating and a focus on self- improvement.

There have been many lessons learned. First, there are no safe zones where love is concerned. On-line or off-line, I take my chances. Second, finding love should never be about who wants me, instead it’s about knowing what I want, what I deserve and not settling for anything less. And finally, the hardest lesson for me, I have to be okay with spending my life as a single woman . . . and finding happiness with exactly what I have and where I am, right now.

I have plenty to be happy about, I do. Someone to share it with would be the icing on the cake, but not a requirement for my happiness.

Now that’s a good feeling.  . . . I hope it sticks. 🙂

xoc

14 Responses to “You’ve got mail . . .”

  1. SilverGirl

    When the time is right you won’t have to look – You will be presented and you will know.
    (Well that’s my seemingly flakey opinion but one I believe!)
    :o)

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply
  2. The Professionally Depressed Professional

    I love the fact that you’re not just trying to find someone to make you happy, but rather being happy and waiting for someone to come along. Great post!

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply
      • The Professionally Depressed Professional

        Hey, I get it . . . I was engaged to someone and had dated him for almost 5 years. Two months before the wedding, I found out he had a girlfriend on the side! I left him, finished my third degree (which I was working on when we were together) and 6 months later met my future husband! The best part, though, after I left my ex was the realization that I wasn’t going to collapse because he wasn’t in my life any longer. Felt even better when I told him that too 🙂

        Liked by 1 person

  3. Sirk Zena

    Love the third lesson most – Finding happiness where you are with what you have is HUGE. That’s the ultimate acceptance and it comes from self love and gratitude for what you’ve been given in life. It will also attract good things and good people to your life. And all relationships you build from this place will have the most meaning and be the most lasting. Yes, you are single right now, but only because you choose not to be coupled just for the sake of being with someone. The right person will come along when the time is right and when you are ready.

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply
  4. judy

    I laughed out loud with your descriptions. I did some personal ad dating with my neighbor about 20 years ago before there was on-line dating. I would only meet for coffee. There was never a second date. But my friends loved my stories. One guy I had talked to on the phone a couple of times. I was getting ready to leave for our date when I noticed that someone had tried to steal my car. It only took 10 mins to get to the coffee shop. When I got there I was still freaked out. I told him what had happened. His rsponse was, “Now this isn’t the Judy I have been talking to on the phone” My response, “Someone just tried to steal my car, could you give maybe a half an hour to deal with it!” In a very sarcastic tone. He didn’t have a chance! I thought it was great that I knew his true colors right away. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply
  5. lajetee47

    I like this observation, Christine. Match.com and the others seem so brazenly optimistic and overly romantix in many ways. By the way you are not like the car are you ?

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

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